We’ve all heard this story before. Boy meets girl, boy falls in love with girl as though it was written in the stars, and they live happily ever after. Yeah, you guessed it. This is the bullshit romantic movies have been selling for ages and it’s a lie because it in no way tallies with the experiences of men all over the world.
A lot of men believe either through religious indoctrination or just plain social conditioning that there is a woman in this vast universe specially made for them or in the very least matches all their criteria for what a good woman should be. Yeah I know, you might be wondering but coach, what’s wrong with having such world views, isn’t it beautiful and my reply would be that it is beautiful only that it’s a fantasy and a very destructive one at that.
The Myth of “The Perfect One” or ONEITS has necessarily given men an excuse to become co-dependents. They latch on to a woman they believe would make a good wife/girlfriend despite the lady’s subtle quest to the contrary. Men project their feelings onto the lady and assume she is interested when she totally isn’t attracted to him in any way.
Highly successful men have fallen for ONEITS and it’s fair to say I to subscribed to that ideology for a very long time. Men who’ve tried to ask a woman out and been given the subtle rejection of uhmmmm “LET US JUST BE FRIENDS”, have agreed to stay in such roles and necessarily become her gay male boyfriend rather than walking away. Men like this delude themselves thinking I’ll be her friend and show her what an amazing guy I am, I’ll be there for her, all I need do is to prove myself to her, and she’ll finally see I’m worthy to be her boyfriend. Sadly, enough the only thing these guys ever see is their ONEITS dating other guys and come back to complain to him about how her date was such a dick or in the worst-case scenario that he’s so HOT.This is needy, insecure and an ass-kissing behavior. We’ve given into the female imperative of what her guy must be. Thereby putting women on a pedestal and being treated like doormats for compliance.
The Myth of the Perfect One has made both women and men stay in toxic relationships, fueled by incessant dramas of all sorts because they cling to who their lover once was. Most necessarily go into denial and convince themselves that they can change their partner. That love is supposed to endure through thick and thin. Unfortunately, some realize the truth about their partners and divorce/break up with their partner. But sadly, many stay stuck in those relationships, mostly due to financial security or just plain old “What would the neighbors think”.
The way I see it, you can only give of yourself to the world and people you meet. Some would reciprocate that love, but most won’t and it’s okay. You need to come from an “ABUNDANCE MINDSET” knowing that there is another bus leaving in five minutes with someone that’ll truly knock your socks off.
True relationships are founded on the freedom of letting your prospective partner choose you. Genuine attraction is effortless, the moment you find yourself working to make a lady fall for you, in the end it usually isn’t worth the effort.